Building on last month’s tips about listening, this month I share some examples of how to listen and speak with your heart below.
Direct report:
I‘m just really struggling right now to focus. There is so much to do and I just feel overwhelmed.
Manager:
[In the manager’s mind: Well, our customers don’t care you can’t focus – they just want their product delivered on time. And you have no idea what it is to be overwhelmed, with the head of fulfillment breathing down my neck and then me always being late to pick up my kids…]
What the head-centered manager says:
Well, just talk with your team and figure it out. The customers need their deliveries on time and I have my hands full over here with…
What the heart-centered manager says:
I hear you. I feel the same. Shall we take some time to talk through the primary challenges and figure out a new way forward, together?
The key differences?
The head-centered approach pushes the problem back on the employee and ends the conversation quickly so the manager can move on to the next problem. But, this makes the employee feel unsupported, not heard, disengaged, and increases the likelihood they will eventually look for a different manager and different job. If the employee moves on, the manager then needs to fill the role, manage that gap through the onboarding and learning curve of a new employee, all the while not solving the real problem.
The heart-centered approach focuses on affirming the validity of the employee’s feelings and working together to solve the problem. Yes, it does take more time in the short term. But, the benefits are numerous: the employee feels supported and heard. The manager models a way of behaving that the employee can use with their own direct reports. The heart-centered approach can increase engagement and retention, or at the least not make things worse. More positive exchanges like this can strengthen the relationship. Furthermore, by bringing together two minds to explore a way forward, there will likely be more creativity and resources put toward resolving the root of the problem and preventing future issues.
What questions might the manager ask when taking a heart-centered approach?
- What is primarily getting in the way of being able to focus?
- What are the factors contributing to you feeling overwhelmed?
- What small shift or change might you try to reduce those distractions?
- Is there anything you can de-prioritize at this time to reduce the overwhelm?
- Would you be open to delegating a thing or two? Is there anyone on your team who would like to learn how to do some of the things that are overwhelming you?
- How else can I support you?
These are all open questions, designed for the manager to learn more and listen more. Most of these questions empower the employee to come up with their own ideas and solutions, and some like questions 4 and 5 are a bit more directive: planting the seed for re-prioritizing or delegating and leveraging direct reports. Asking these questions requires the manager to let go of assumptions and an “I know best” approach, and overall build greater awareness and surfaces more potential solutions.
Implied in this scenario is that the manager has deep enough self-awareness to catch their own thoughts (an aspect of Level 1 listening) and shift attention outward to listening to the other person (Level 2 listening). To learn more about the levels of listening, read last month’s post here.
How can leadership and executive coaching help managers in these situations?
- Build greater self-awareness of your own stress level and how challenges in the work environment trigger your own mental saboteurs
- Learn more tools to center more quickly so you can respond most calmly and creatively
- Practice new ways of communicating with different types of stakeholders
- Expand existing leadership competencies and build new ones to strengthen current performance and increase future career opportunities
Schedule Sample Coaching Call with Erin
To schedule a sample coaching and fit call with Erin and learn more about how coaching can support you in taking a heart-centered approach to leadership, click here. Leaders in Asia, Europe, Africa and Middle East click here.