There is subtle exhaustion happening among all of us, especially high achievers. Not from overwork alone.
From over-performing.
What do I mean by over-performing?
- Social media says you should show up consistently.
- Industry leaders say you should build a visible personal brand.
- Your peers say you should attend more events.
- Advisors say you should diversify, expand, scale.
The word “should” quietly infiltrates your calendar. Before long, you are operating in ways that look impressive but feel unnatural. And exhausting.
Here’s what I notice with many leaders:
- They know how they do their best work.
- They know how they genuinely like to engage.
- They know their natural rhythm.
But they override it in an attempt to do what they feel they “should” do to appear successful to others.
This is not ambition. It’s conformity disguised as strategy. Staying in your lane does not mean shrinking. It means aligning.
- Some leaders thrive in small, high-trust rooms.
- Others thrive on stages.
- Some think best alone before speaking.
- Others think best out loud.
None is superior. But misalignment is costly.
When you engage in ways that aren’t natural to you:
- Your energy drains faster.
- Your voice becomes less clear.
- Your decisions become reactive.
- Your presence feels performative.
The deeper question isn’t “What should I be doing to stay relevant?”
- It’s “How do I want to engage?”
Why? Because sustained leadership is built on congruence.
- If you are introverted but forcing hyper-visibility, you will burn out.
- If you are relational but hiding behind output, you will feel unseen.
- If you are visionary but drowning in operations, you will feel constrained.
The a-ha shift here is simple but confronting:
- Success that requires you to be someone else is not sustainable success.
Your sweet spot is not a limitation. It is your leverage. When you operate inside your genuine strengths and preferred modes of engagement:
- You move with less friction.
- You attract more aligned opportunities.
- You stop chasing environments that don’t fit.
Letting go of “should” can feel risky. There may be:
- Fewer appearances.
- Fewer posts.
- Fewer rooms.
But there will be more alignment. More depth. More staying power. And that compounds.
So, as you look at your current commitments, ask yourself:
Where am I engaging out of genuine desire — and where am I engaging out of social pressure?
Audit one commitment on your calendar this week. Ask yourself honestly: Is this aligned with how I genuinely want to engage?
If this reflection surfaced something for you, I’d be curious to hear it. What’s one “should” you’re ready to release?
#LeadershipTransformation #CareerTransition #ExecutiveCoaching #Emergence