A Dream Come True | Gratitude

A Dream Come True | Gratitude

by | Nov 24, 2020 | Ezine

On Thursday afternoon last week, my family of four landed at San Jose Airport in Costa Rica. The country of Costa Rica officially welcomed all citizens of the United States starting November 1st, and arriving in this country signifies an important milestone of a dream long held.

Long before my sons were born, my husband and I dreamed of taking our future children abroad for a year to expose them to another culture. After many years, we revisited that dream and re-envisioned it as a family gap year that would involve visiting several countries.

Over many date night brainstorms, we allowed space for the dream to evolve while in parallel we discussed ways we could change how each of us worked to allow us to be more flexible, working online with reduced hours while traveling. All along the way, we received tremendous support and encouragement from friends and family, which was such a gift.

In January 2020, we officially decided “let’s go for it!” We allowed our full excitement to flow through us and made some concrete decisions that would set things in motion — including deciding to put our house up for sale and also to postpone my older son’s entry to high school for one year, knowing that we would world-school both boys throughout our travel.

All of this was before the covid-19 lockdown started in mid-March where we live. As we became aware of the implications of the quarantine on travel, I initially went into a grief-life depression as I grappled to find solid ground under my feet. How could we not go? How could we not pursue our long-held dream? I went back into therapy — with two therapists using different modalities — and pulled myself back from the edge. I knew I had to continue being a wife, a mom, a coach to my clients, and run my business as best I could with all the unexpected changes and restrictions.

And then two things happened: my coaching colleague and dear friend Lucy invited me to join her and two other colleagues in taking a mental fitness course. And about a month after that, my husband said something so simple it gave me permission to remove the complexity of all the contingency and scenario planning. He said: “we’re going… unless we don’t.”

If you’ve read my newsletters these past few months, you already know the incredible impact the mental fitness course has had on me and my clients. That, combined with this statement from Matt turned everything around.

I was able to shift my mindset away from loss and grief and a profound sense of ground-less-ness to… excitement and curiosity for what was possible. What could we do? Where could we go? How could we reinvent our original plan?

I’ll skip over the numerous versions of plans that followed this shift, and share what has actually happened since that shift…

We traveled in July to visit my family in Iowa, then back East for August and September visiting Philadelphia, Downeast Maine and Philadelphia again. Owing to the graciousness and generosity of friends in Colorado, we then experienced 6 glorious weeks staying on their beautiful wooded property at 9,000 feet above sea level. We took weekend trips to Moab Utah, Aspen and Crested Butte Colorado and many other day trips around the Denver and front range area. We affirmed our deep love of Colorado and plan to retire there.

It became clear by September how much we viewed every single day as a gift. We were — and have been — in a state of amazement that “wow, this is really happening”. We have been blessed with more connection with extended family, following restrictions that kept us all safe and healthy. We’ve been able to provide concrete, tangible help to my parents to recover from significant damage caused by the derecho storm and also helped our friends in Colorado with a wildfire mitigation project on their property.

And now… we are beginning the first (and hopefully not the last) international experience of our family gap year. My children will have the opportunity to build their Spanish language skills as we live in a small fishing village on the NW Pacific coast of Costa Rica. We’ll also continue to learn more about how climate and weather changes are impacting the world and local ecology — just as we have in Iowa (with the derecho) and Colorado (with wildfires).

While we’ve been warned that the WiFi is not as reliable, we are grateful that modern technology and laptops allow us to continue our work and support our children’s learning while we travel. It will definitely be a month to remember.

Where we will go after winter holidays? We have many ideas and wait to see what unfolds on the world stage that may influence our decision. In the meantime, we stay present to the joys of daily discoveries offered to us in our nomadic life.

I share my experience to inspire you. Whatever dream or hope you hold in your heart — no matter how small or big — know that when you shift your mindset to one of excitement and possibility, you reduce your stress and anxiety and thus activate your best qualities of creativity and resourcefulness. Invite friends and family to support you in brainstorming what is possible.

The Wisdom of Red LEGO Olympics (Revisited)

by | Nov 16, 2020 | Ezine

When my two boys were ages 8 and 4, they loved to play with all kinds of toys, but especially LEGOs.

When it came time to clean up the playroom, they moaned and whined and sometimes even cried with overwhelm.

One reason for their despair was because they were often in the process of creation. To put things back in drawers, boxes, and on shelves, meant disrupting or destroying what they were attempting to create.

The other reason they fought the cleanup process — and the point of this week’s message — is because cleaning up an entire room (with every square inch of floor covered with a huge variety of colors and shapes and sizes) was a huge and daunting task. In the face of having to climb such a high mountain, their cognitive functions shut down and they become purely emotional creatures. “Mom, no! It’s not fair! I can’t!” Their mental Saboteurs were reigning over their experience, and they could not – or did not know how to – access their Sage perspective.

With so many challenges happening in our world – the on-going pandemic, political and economic uncertainty, on-going social injustice, and your own additional personal challenges – you may find yourself reacting in a similar way to small decisions and also to big projects.

If you shut down when it comes to moving forward with an important decision or goal or task… just know you are not alone. I am sharing here again (as I did six years ago) the wisdom of The Red LEGO Olympics!

What I taught my boys many years ago was a simple strategy that I call “The Red LEGO Olympics.” It originated years ago when my husband said to my older son and oldest nephew:

“Okay, boys, let’s play “Clean Up Olympics. I’ll join in and let’s see who can be the first to put away the most number of toys. Count as you go. Ready. Set. Go.”

This approach in and of itself would sometimes get them excited enough to jump right in and clean the room with joy and speed. They were not alone and they also had a parent acting as both a buddy and a coach, providing encouragement and accountability.

But after a few rounds of Cleanup Olympics, I observed my older son shutting down again, just lying on the floor, not participating.

So I broke it down more simply. What was the smallest, simplest next step they could take? What would still make it fun and motivating, but reduce the overwhelm and allow them to make tangible progress?

And herein evolved what in my mind I now call “The Red LEGO Olympics.”

“Okay boys, let’s break it down and see how quickly we go. Miles, first you find all the red LEGOs and put them in the LEGO bin.” “Okay, Mommy,” he says with bright responsiveness as he pivots back and forth around the room, pouncing on each little piece with a triumphant “ha!” or a little squeal. “Okay, Ian, you stack up all the books and put them in a pile next to the bookcase.”

Do they get distracted mid-stream? Of course! But I am there as clean up buddy and encouraging coach to keep them on course.

“Remember, we’re not playing right now. Just one last color of LEGOs, Miles – finish up the gray ones. You’re doing great, Ian – just a few more books to put back neatly on the shelf. You’re almost done! Then we can go get a treat!”

Breaking Down The Wisdom of the Red LEGO Olympics:

Use these elements to simplify your next goal or daunting task…

(1) Make it SMART

Use the SMART acronym to clearly state your larger goal

 

(2) Connect it to your big WHY

You have a bigger purpose, a bigger vision in your life. These are at the heart of WHY it matters for you to get up in the morning. Ask yourself: “How does this goal or task support my big WHY?” Understanding this linkage is essential to staying motivated and committed through to completion of your task.

For my boys, their WHY is inherently clear: they are here to play and learn and have fun and grow.

(3) Buddy Up!

Tell someone what you’re doing and why it’s important. Ask someone to provide encouragement and hold you accountable. Maybe check-in with him or her on a regular basis (hourly, daily, weekly – depending on the scope of the task) or at the completion of each small step forward. And this brings us to…

tow kids playing house

(4) Break It Down!

What is the smallest, simplest action you could take in the direction of your goal?

The floor of my boys’ playroom used to be covered with at least 7 or more different kinds of items. That invites breaking down the task into at least seven different steps. But one of those items is LEGOs, which come in many different colors and shapes. So, the LEGO step gets broken down into many smaller steps. And if the LEGO bins were too far away, perhaps there would even be a smaller step involving moving piles first to one location, then later to the bin.

(5) Make it Fun!

Ask yourself what would make it fun and enjoyable? I always feel better when I’m listening to music. It seems to smooth out any edges of tension in my body and put a spring in my step. Sometimes I like to invite someone (though not necessarily my accountability buddy/coach) to join me or be with me during certain more drudgerous stages.

(6) Reward Yourself!

someone dangling a carrot in front of a man

Sometimes, just the completion of a goal is enough reward. But other times you might benefit from setting out a little “carrot” for yourself to enjoy at the finish line.

If that is true, choose something equivalent in size or value to the goal, and something you would truly enjoy. Getting yourself a new car after cleaning the bathroom is not a good fit. But maybe ending work early on a Friday would be an appropriate reward for signing a new contract for your business.

My boys were motivated to clean their room because they knew the vacuum cleaner would soon be coming to town and they didn’t want to lose any precious items to the suction monster. They also like being able to find toys when they are looking for them, so having them in their place is an extra bonus that reduces their frustration. And maybe some day they will appreciate just how nice the room looks when it’s tidy and clean.

For you, consider what have you been putting off and why? Where do you feel stuck? Work your way through steps (1) through (6) above and see how you do this time.

And if you get stuck again, email me: let’s talk!

What if “they” were 10% right?

by | Nov 2, 2020 | Ezine

In this time of division, anxiety, and name-calling, I feel called to share with you this perspective.

No matter what someone has done to you. No matter how far-off and wacky you think their belief or lifestyle or behavior is. 
No matter how unrealistic their idea is. No matter…

They are at least 10% right.

Can you get with me on this?

What if “they” were at least 10% right?

I encourage you to catch yourself judging them, criticizing them, gossiping about them with others, railing about them on social media, and pause.

Catch yourself and pause. Really pause.

And ask your wiser, more sage self: “Okay, self: what if they are actually 10% right. What is it I can say that I appreciate about them or like about their idea or recognize might be valid in certain circumstances?”

Allow yourself to see and recognize the 10% in the other that is right.

This will not only reduce your stress and anxiety and anger and frustration.
It will free-up your energy to allow more love and light into your life.
It will reduce division and allow for more connection.
It will help you to sleep better.

Because at the end of the day, we all want to be happy and safe.

I’ve learned this 10% perspective from my work this past six months with the Positive Intelligence mental fitness model. The shift I’ve experienced in my life in all roles (as mother, as spouse, as friend, as business owner, as coach) has been profound. I feel more compassion for myself and others. I see more deeply how we’re all connected. I have less stress, less anxiety, less worry. I see more possibilities. I have more hope. I’ve been more creative and resourceful. And on and on.

To learn more about Positive Intelligence — or “PQ” for short, click here or email me with any questions you have.

Why is Less More?

by | Oct 5, 2020 | Ezine

Last summer and this summer, I’ve experienced a strange phenomenon.

I intentionally give myself permission to work less, with even stricter boundaries around my reduced work hours.

And yet, I find my work time to be more focused and effective, and my business results improve.

But, why? Why is less more?

I don’t have THE answer for you. But I do have a theory.

I am playing more.

Whether it’s with my boys, or on my own: I’m having more fun. Being outside, moving my body, letting creativity and free time flow.

Will you experiment with me?

Try it! Give yourself permission to work less. Allow yourself to play more. And let me know what happens. (I’d love to see if you too benefit.)

And, please share other ideas on why less is more for you!

Survival mode or Creative mode? Which mode are you in?

Survival mode or Creative mode? Which mode are you in?

by | Sep 28, 2020 | Ezine

When my older son was 8 years old he was addicted to Minecraft, an incredibly creative online game with nearly limitless possibilities.

In the beginning, we only allowed him to play in Creative mode. He could build without the threat of zombies attacking him.

But then he (and we) realized he could do even more in Survival mode, which required him to find his own resources (like seeds), so he could plant and grow his own crops for food. It also presented the challenge of evading threats from monsters and needing to survive the elements.

MinecraftIn Survival mode, my son learned to be incredibly resourceful and resilient. It was scary sometimes, but the rewards seemed to be greater.

One night at dinner, my husband posed the question: are you playing in Creative mode or Survival mode?

And it hit me: what a great question for us all!

When you have to put dinner on the table and pay the bills, you are often more motivated by the reality of needing to Survive to be more creative, resourceful, and resilient. In contrast, when everything is safe and provided to you, it’s easier for your brain to become sluggish and to become lazy.

What comes to mind is the term “affluenza” (coined in the 1990s) —the disease of overconsumption and disconnection that comes from having everything provided to you.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m neither promoting poverty and suffering, nor trash talking wealth. (Nor am I equating Creative mode in Minecraft with affluenza!)

But, I do observe that the desire to have “more” is tightly connected with the culture of overwork in our world. The habit of working longer hours to make more money to buy more stuff results in greater disconnection from oneself and those people who are most important to us. That disconnection leads to unhappiness and then a desire to have more stuff to make us feel better. A truly sad and unhealthy cycle.

With the recent impact of the pandemic, I have also observed that more and more of us are coming face to face with the reality that we don’t need all these material possessions!

So, maybe there is something to living in Survival mode. The question is: what is “just enough” and how can we ride that intelligent edge between being just comfortable enough and having too much?

I invite you to not only ask yourself whether you are in Survival Mode or Creative Mode, but also:

What helps you to feel truly alive in your life, motivated to keep striving, but—and here’s the key element—present and grateful for all who are in your life and all that you have now, in this moment?

I know what helps me to feel this way: my meditation practice and daily PQ reps for strengthen my mental fitness. These practices support me in being my most positive, creative, resilient and resourceful self, regardless of what pandemic, social, political, economic challenges are coming at me at full speed.

How about you? What helps you to feel most alive and present and motivated in your life? Perhaps we can all move beyond the question of Creative mode versus Survival mode, to be in Thriving mode.

I look forward to your reply!