by Erin Owen | Jan 27, 2015 | Ezine
How to Show Up For Your Life
- Are you following your heart?
- Do you hear and then respond to the messages your body sends you about what it needs?
- Are you present with yourself enough to follow your intuition?
If you are like the typical busy modern human, you answered “no” to all three questions.
Everything about our modern way of life is pushing our edges too far and disconnecting us from ourselves, our bodies, and our most important personal relationships.
I am absolutely not pointing my finger at you, nor am I even wagging a finger at you. To the contrary, I am 100% identifying with you. I too struggle with the demands of life in 2015 and continually search for a better, simpler way of living and working — without (and here’s the catch) settling for less.
I want it all too: financial security, personal connection, meaningful work, a healthy body, and the elusive work-life balance.
But I feel we set ourselves up for failure when we strive for balance, as well as when we strive for happiness.
Achieving perfect balance tends to imply having to make trade-offs: “if I want more “x”, then I have to give up “y”.” And my opinion is that contentment with “what is” now, in the moment, is more realistic than searching for the totality of happiness.
The secret for showing up more in your life is not about extremes.
You don’t have to quit your job or sell your company or retire now so you can finally have time to do what you want to do. (Although those are certainly viable options if you desire them, and I have guided many clients through such major personal transitions so they can create a better life.)
The first step in shifting to a more empowered place of living and working is being compassionate with yourself.
Sit down and make a list of everything you do on a regular basis to just “get by” day to day. It’s a lot! And that list does not even include what you want to do for personal fulfillment and well-being.
Give yourself a serious dose of appreciation! Not just a pat on the back, but a twice or three times daily dose of self-love and gratitude. You are doing so much! You are doing your best!
The second step is asking for support.
Yes, if you push yourself hard enough, you can probably get it all done. But why? Why keep pushing yourself, increasing your stress level, raising your blood pressure, weakening your immune system? Why?
Make a list of the things others can easily do for you and ASK them for support. This is a team effort, people, you can do it! [I even asked my 8 year old and 4 year old for support this weekend after staying home sick for two days with not much getting done. They each offered (offered!) what they wanted to do: Ian wants to rinse the dishes after each meal and put them in the dishwasher. Miles wants to straighten up the playroom each day.] So, what excuse do your adult support people have? Even these kids can help out!
Third is asking yourself: Do I really need more? Do I really need to grow?
We as a culture are consumed with the idea that “more is better.” But, more just requires more: more time, more oversight, more management, more problem solving, more energy. Where is your “more” going to come from, especially if you are already overwhelmed and barely getting by?
What if “this” was “it”? How can you be grateful for “what is”? How can you enjoy and appreciate all that you have right now?
In a recent group retreat I led in Philadelphia, one of the participants shared with me that she realized she does not need to grow her company anymore. She gave herself permission to let go of that unnecessary driver, so she can nurture her current clients and projects. She even took the bold step of not creating specific, measurable goals for the fiscal year. (Gasp!) It’s a radical idea for a business leader, but one that gives her and her team more room to breathe and enjoy the business. I’ll be curious to see what comes from their more relaxed state of being—it’s usually surprising and positive!
To show up for your life is a gift, something to treasure. And if you want to do this more often, I invite you to do less, to simplify, to declutter.
If you’re not sure where to begin, and if you could use some suggestions, you may benefit from the simple tips and ideas shared in my Boost Your Performance foundational course.
A busy professional just like you who completed the six-step course early this month reported these results:
- 80% improvement in time spent with spouse
- 80% improvement in work-life balance
- 80% improvement in eliminating tension headaches
- 80% improvement in having better boundaries
- 60% improvement in eliminating anxiety
That was in just 3 months of experimenting with the simple ideas in my course!
Regardless of what step you do next, I invite you to take some deep, easy breaths, give yourself some love and appreciation, and let yourself off the hook to create some more space to show up in your life. You deserve it!
by Erin Owen | Jan 20, 2015 | Ezine
My thoughts woke me up racing about the day ahead. I looked at the clock and realized it would be advantageous to get up a few minutes early so I could be fully showered by the time my boys woke up.
But later as I was drying my hair in front of the mirror I noticed that my heartbeat was faster than normal and my thoughts were still racing. Starting the day with this state of mind and a high level of anticipation only spells trouble for me.
I had to sit.
I put down the hairdryer, went to my meditation cushion, set my phone timer for five minutes, set my phone to airplane mode, and just sat with my eyes closed noticing my breath.
Wiping the slate of my mind clean for five minutes a day is critically important for me to feel steady and present, and to be more patient with my kids. If you have never read about this idea in the first chapter of my book Refuel, Recharge and Re-energize, click here to download a free copy.
As I sat on the cushion, I observed my heart rate was still quite quick and so I set the intention to slow down and elongate my breath. At first I coughed and sputtered a bit, like an old car starting up. Then I settled more into the breath.
My thoughts kept sneaking in, but I just brought my attention back to the breath again and again and again.
Then just like that 5 minutes was up and my phone timer signaled me to wrap it up. I recalled in my mind all I was grateful for and (as my friend Sara Canuso calls it) “put in my orders for the day”: a smooth and calm morning routine through dropping my boys off, being present for all my day’s commitments, feeling strong and healthy and grounded each moment of the day, welcoming a new client, etc.
And so, I sat.
What do you do to ground and center yourself? How often? I’d love to hear about your own practices!
If you want to talk further about these ideas, please be in touch. I offer a complimentary 15 minute call. Just ask!
by Erin Owen | Nov 11, 2014 | Ezine
Last week, I made a decision. I made a decision that felt like a HUGE course-affirming or course-altering decision.
The bottom line: I said NO to an opportunity to be featured on a nationally broadcast television program about sustainability. I said NO to the opportunity to share my message with thousands and thousands of people—my message about the wisdom of doing less and how living and working in a more sustainable way actually creates a more meaningful life and better results.
And instead, I said YES to integrity—living and working in alignment with my vision and my brand.
“What? Are you crazy?” you might be thinking.
If I would have said yes, it would have been crunch time, leading to a huge spiral into the black hole of overwhelm: massive upfront investment of time and money, compromising the quality of support I provide to my current amazing clients, greatly reducing the degree to which I could be present and patient with my two boys, squeezing dry the time I faithfully dedicate to self-care, and much more.
The reminder for me: stay true to my purpose. Say YES to what supports my vision and allows me to live in full alignment with every element of my philosophy.
I am grateful to my mentors Joe and Candy and the others—Tom, Christiane, and Angela especially—who asked me the tough questions that helped me to see what the right path was for me.
And thanks to Tom for reminding me of the great old story of the tortoise and the hare: Slow and steady wins the race.
As Traci Fenton (founder of the wildly successful WorldBlu workplace freedom movement) said to me this past July: “What’s the rush?” If something this great came along now, just imagine what else might come along in the future when it is the right time!
3 BIG Questions for YOU to ponder….
What can you say YES to? What supports your vision for your life? What sets you on a path that is in direct alignment with your purpose?
What can you say NO to? What pushes you into overwhelm and threatens what is most important to you?
Who can you turn to for support and tough love? Who helps you to see your truth and what’s right for you? Who helps you to let go of the trappings of ego so you can live a more sustainable, meaningful life?
Count me in! I’m here to support you in clarifying your purpose. I can help you decide what to say YES to, and what to say NO (or “not yet”) to.
To talk further, email me and we’ll find 15 minutes on your calendar to explore the important decision you are weighing right now.
by Erin Owen | Nov 4, 2014 | Ezine
I returned home yesterday to discover that The Mail Keeps Coming! I was in one of those mini moments of overwhelm that had my mind running through a stream of negative chatter: “WTF! Why is there more mail? Am I a machine? Am I actually expected to keep up with all this mail? This is totally ridiculous!”
And the great irony – as you regular readers know – is that I talk about the importance of breathing, slowing down, and practicing “One Touch.” In my first book Refuel Recharge and Reenergize, I describe “One Touch” as a simple (but not easy) practice in which you consciously decide in the moment to focus on dealing with something through to completion.
For example, with an email…the idea is that you don’t open the message until you can fully address it—whether that be respond to it or designate a time on your calendar when you will follow-up so that it doesn’t get buried in a large pile of important but forgotten “to do” items.
In my current mini state of overwhelm, I am forced to clear out the mailbox daily (daily!!!), otherwise the mail carrier has no space to cram in the next day’s pieces of mail. Then, today’s pile gets added to the previous day’s piles, until it’s an eyesore, which I then hide away out of sight. Then if I totally forget about it, I forget to pay a bill, and so on and so on…it’s not a pretty cascade of events. (What if someone saw me – me! –not dealing with my mail on a daily basis – ahhhhh, I am so out of integrity it makes my skin crawl!!!)
But herein lies the gift.
This tirade about the mail is not at all about the mail. It’s not about the backlog of emails or the fact that clothes keep getting worn & dirty laundry keeps stacking up.
This is about “too much.”
Right now there is one thing “too much” on my plate. I know what it is. I know what pushed me over the edge. And I need to breathe deeply, take the step to remove it from my list of responsibilities, then breathe a sigh of relief and welcome in the fluidity and freedom and ease that come from saying no to too much.
If you don’t know where your edge of “too much” lies, I invite you to figure it out. This is a critical piece of self-awareness. Knowing this is essential for preserving and cultivating your physical and mental and emotional and financial well-being.
Your “too much” is a result of the expectations you’ve set for yourself and the corresponding choices you’ve made in your life. You’re not a victim of “too much.” You are the creator of your “too much.” It’s a hard truth to swallow. I know. Because I regularly dance along the precipice of my line of “too much.” And yes, sometimes I consciously choose to cross over, willingly accepting the resulting hours or days or weeks of “too much” that follows, but at least it’s a conscious choice.
The real dangers lie in the unintentional unconscious incompetence that resides at the heart of most of our days of “too much.”
So if you are brave enough to cross over from unconscious incompetence to conscious incompetence: meaning, you’re willing to accept that you created your “too much” and learn how to identify it, manage it, and prevent it, then I welcome you to begin!
Shoot me an email and I’ll show you how.
Now, back to saying no to that commitment that pushed me over the edge, then back to that stack of mail…
by Erin Owen | Oct 28, 2014 | Ezine
I have two boys, ages 8 and 4. They love to play with all kinds of toys, but especially Legos.
When it comes time to clean up the playroom, they moan and whine and sometimes even cry with overwhelm.
One reason is because they are in the process of creation. And to put things back in drawers, boxes, and on shelves, means disrupting or destroying what they are attempting to create.
The other reason they fight the cleanup process — and the point of this week’s piece — is because cleaning up an entire room (with every square inch of floor covered with a huge variety of colors and shapes and sizes) is a huge and daunting task. In the face of having to climb such mountain, their cognitive functions shut down and they become purely emotional creatures. “Mom, no! It’s not fair! I can’t!”
If you find yourself reacting in a similar way to big projects… If you shut down when it comes to moving forward with an important goal or task… just know you are not alone. I am about to share the wisdom of The Red Lego Olympics!
What I taught my boys is a simple strategy that could be called “The Red Lego Olympics.” It originated years ago when my husband said to my older son and oldest nephew:
“Okay, boys, let’s play “Clean Up Olympics. I’ll join in and let’s see who can be the first to put away the most number of toys. Count as you go. Ready. Set. Go.”
This approach in and of itself would sometimes get them excited enough to jump right in and clean the room with joy and speed. They were not alone and they also had a parent acting as both a buddy and a coach, providing encouragement and accountability.
But after a few rounds of Cleanup Olympics, I observed my older son shutting down again, just lying on the floor, not participating.
So I broke it down more simply. What was the smallest, simplest next step they could take? What would still make it fun and motivating, but reduce the overwhelm and allow them to make tangible progress?
And herein evolved what in my mind I now call “The Red Lego Olympics.”
“Okay boys, let’s break it down and see how quickly we go. Miles, first you find all the red Legos and put them in the Lego bin.” “Okay, Mommy,” he says with bright responsiveness as he pivots back and forth around the room, pouncing on each little piece with a triumphant “ha!” or a little squeal. “Okay, Ian, you stack up all the books and put them in a pile next to the bookcase.”
Do they get distracted mid-stream? Of course! But I am there as clean up buddy and encouraging coach to keep them on course. “Remember, we’re not playing right now. Just one last color of Legos, Miles – finish up the gray ones. You’re doing great, Ian – just a few more books to put back neatly on the shelf. You’re almost done! Then we can go get a treat!”
Breaking Down The Wisdom of the Red Lego Olympics:
Use these elements to simplify your next goal or daunting task…
(1) Make it SMART
Use the SMART acronym to clearly state your larger goal
(2) Connect it to your big WHY
You have a bigger purpose, a bigger vision in your life. These are at the heart of WHY it matters for you to get up in the morning. Ask yourself: “How does this goal or task support my big WHY?” Understanding this linkage is essential to staying motivated and committed through to completion of your task.
For my boys, their WHY is inherently clear: they are here to play and learn and have fun and grow.
(3) Buddy Up!
Tell someone what you’re doing and why it’s important. Ask someone to provide encouragement and hold you accountable. Maybe check-in with him or her on a regular basis (hourly, daily, weekly – depending on the scope of the task) or at the completion of each small step forward. And this brings us to…
(4) Break It Down!
What is the smallest, simplest action you could take in the direction of your goal?
The floor of my boys’ playroom is covered with at least 7 or more different kinds of items. That invites breaking down the task into at least seven different steps. But one of those items is Legos, which come in many different colors and shapes. So, the Lego step gets broken down into many smaller steps. And if the Lego bins were too far away, perhaps there would even be a smaller step involving moving piles first to one location, then later to the bin.
(5) Make it Fun!
Ask yourself what would make it fun and enjoyable? I always feel better when I’m listening to music. It seems to smooth out any edges of tension in my body and put a spring in my step. Sometimes I like to invite someone (though not necessarily my accountability buddy/coach) to join me or be with me during certain more drudgerous stages.
(6) Reward Yourself!
Sometimes, just the completion of a goal is enough reward. But other times you might benefit from setting out a little “carrot” for yourself to enjoy at the finish line.
If that is true, choose something equivalent in size or value to the goal, and something you would truly enjoy. Getting yourself a new car after cleaning the bathroom is not a good fit. But maybe ending work early on a Friday would be an appropriate reward for signing a new contract for your business.
My boys were motivated to clean their room because they knew the vacuum cleaner would soon be coming to town and they didn’t want to lose any precious items to the suction monster. They also like being able to find toys when they are looking for them, so having them in their place is an extra bonus that reduces their frustration. And maybe some day they will appreciate just how nice the room looks when it’s tidy and clean.
For you, consider what have you been putting off and why? Where do you feel stuck? Work your way through steps (1) through (6) above and see how you do this time.
And if you get stuck again, email me: let’s talk! Click here to email me.
