Use a Hammer to Paint? Know When to Use Your Strengths

by Erin Owen | Feb 9, 2021 | Ezine

If one of your strengths is your brain power and using your noodle to think through tough problems, you may have excelled in school and in the workplace using tools like analysis, problem solving, and data-driven research. However, those tools may not serve you as well when it comes to resolving interpersonal conflict, getting your kids to listen to you, and figuring out what you want to do next in life.

Would you use a hammer to paint? No. You would use a hammer to pound a nail into the wall. You would use a paintbrush and paints to put a new color on the wall, and you would use even finer, higher quality brushes and paints to create a landscape or portrait type painting.

The point is: it’s important to know your strengths just as much as it is to know when to use those strengths – in what situations, with what people, and when. This week, I’m sharing more details about the Hyper-Rational saboteur and hope you’ll want to stay with me to learn more.

Each week I’ve been describing in more detail one of the 10 saboteurs in the model of Positive Intelligence. By learning more about them, you will be better able to catch each saboteur in the act (aka catch it when it is busy talking to you in your mind) and then practice PQ reps to switch to your Sage brain and use our Sage powers. If this is not familiar to you, please read more about the model here.

Alongside the Judge (the strongest saboteur for all of us), one of the 9 accomplice saboteurs is the Hyper-Rational. When this one is among your strongest saboteurs, and when it is in the driver’s seat, you have an “intense and exclusive focus on the rational processing of everything, including relationships.”* You can even “be perceived as cold, distant, and intellectually arrogant.”* Maybe this is you. Or maybe this brings someone to mind that you know from your personal life or work life. Heck, it may even bring to mind whole groups of people you’ve known in your life. I invite you to read on to learn more about the strengths that underlie the negative aspects of the Hyper-Rational saboteur, as well as more about its characteristics so you can catch it in the act.

Strength Sides of the Hyper-Rational

When you use the Sage parts of your brain which include parts of the right brain and your empathy circuitry, you can easily access and leverage the strength sides of the Hyper-Rational, which include being:

• Capable of deep insight and understanding through objective analysis
• Very observant and perceptive
• Powerful with mental concentration
• Able to drive towards great expertise in an area of knowledge
• A great explorer and inventor

But, what happens when you are feeling negative emotions like frustration, anxiety, shame, anger, sadness? That is when the saboteur or survivor parts of the brain are activated, and unfortunately the negative behavioral aspects of the saboteur influence your perceptions, your actions, and your inaction. Basically, you are not at your best – and you may be causing damage to yourself and others.

What are the typical negative emotions of the Hyper-Rational saboteur?*

They include:

• Being frustrated with others being emotional and not rational enough.
• Feeling anxious about needing to preserve your personal time, energy, and resources against intrusions.
• Feeling different, alone, and not understood.
• Often being skeptical or cynical.

When your Hyper-Rational saboteur is at the helm, you may be thinking thoughts such as:*

• The rational mind is where it is at.
• Feelings are distracting and irrelevant.
• Many people are so irrational and sloppy in their thinking.
• “Needs and emotions of others distract me from my projects.”
• “I need to shut out intrusions.”
• “What I value most is knowledge, understanding, and insight.”
• Self-worth is about mastering knowledge and competence.

Watch Out for These Characteristics of the Hyper-Rational Saboteur in Yourself and in Others:*

• Having an intense and active mind.
• Sometimes coming across as intellectually arrogant or secretive.
• Being overly Private and not letting others into your deeper feelings.
• Mostly showing feelings through passion in ideas.
• Preferring to just watch the craziness around you and analyze from a distance.
• Losing track of time due to your intense concentration.
• Having a high penchant for skepticism and debate.

Keep in mind there are incredibly valuable strengths underlying these characteristics. The key is when it is the right time to use these tools? Remember the contrast between the hammer and the paintbrush.

When you are not selective about when to bring forth those strengths, the impact on others can include unintentionally intimidating others – especially those who are not as analytical as you are. You may also be limiting the depth and flexibility of your relationships at work and in your broader life because you focus too much on analyzing rather than experiencing feelings.

So what can you do to leverage the Hyper Rational strengths and minimize the negative side?

1. Build awareness of the saboteur characteristics so you can catch the negative and stop it in its tracks
2. Practice PQ reps and the other practices from the Positive Intelligence mental fitness model
3. Strengthen your Sage powers to more intentionally and thoughtfully use your rational mind

What’s the payoff for doing so?

When you use your Sage brain and the strength side of your saboteurs, you experience your highest level of performance, much greater creativity, and sustained happiness. I want this for you – and for all of us. Imagine a world where we could each be recognized for and best utilize our strengths while minimizing (if not eliminating) the negative side?

Am I saying the all negative emotions are bad all of the time? No. Absolutely not. What I am saying is that negative emotions are useful only for 1 second – just enough time to catch it, see that as a sign you need to switch to Sage brain, and reframe through the more positive, productive lens of the strength side of your saboteurs. To learn more about how to do this, and which of your saboteurs are strongest, I invite you to meet with me for a Saboteur Diagnosis session at no cost. SCHEDULE HERE

*Source: Shirzad Chamine and his Positive Intelligence mental fitness model. Erin completed her certification with Shirzad and Positive Intelligence, Inc. in the spring of 2021 and is now a Certified Positive Intelligence mental fitness coach (CPQC).

Why push so hard? Success and happiness are possible without it

by Erin Owen | Feb 2, 2021 | Ezine

Have you noticed a trend? I have been introducing one of the mental saboteurs in the Positive Intelligence model in these weekly installments, by writing about each in the context of what I hope will be relevant and helpful for you. If you missed the previous weeks, you can catch up here.

January 5 I wrote about your Judge “Why you do not achieve your New Year resolutions”

January 19 I wrote about your Avoider “Why you avoid what you avoid”

January 26 I wrote about your Controller “Faults of the President – do you have them too?”

This week I’m introducing to you an old nemesis of mine: the Hyper-Achiever. If you’ve ever called yourself (or been called) Type A. If your drive for success sometimes leaves a wake of destruction in its path. Or if you’ve ever known someone who wants to win at all costs and will bulldoze anything or anyone in their path to do so. If you’ve ever thought to yourself “I don’t have time for emotions. I have work to do!” If you’ve ever been afraid to get too close to someone, worried they might realize you’re not as perfect as the image you portray. If so, then you’ll want to read on to learn more about the characteristics and lies of Hyper-Achiever so you can stop it in its tracks.

As I shared last week, a saboteur is the price you pay for the overuse and abuse of your greatest strengths. For myself and for most of my highly educated, high-achieving clients, those strengths are as follows:

• Being driven, goal-oriented, and self-directed
• Also pragmatic and adaptable
• Capable of growing self and others to achieve their full potential
• When inner-directed, can be great at inspiring self and others towards meaningful growth and achievement

Yes, these are fantastic strengths. But, it’s important to be aware that there is a dark side of your strengths – the saboteur side. When you use these strengths too often, in the wrong situations, with the wrong people, at the wrong time, those strengths come back to harm you and those around you.

The harmful side of any saboteur motivates you through negative emotions and most often accompany periods of stress and anxiety. In this case, the Hyper-Achiever saboteur is “dependent on constant performance and achievement for self-respect and self-validation.”* The Hyper-achiever is also so “highly focused on external success that it leads to unsustainable workaholic tendencies and loss of touch with deeper emotional and relationship needs.”*

How can you catch the negative side of the Hyper-Achiever when it takes hold of you? Read each of the descriptions below so that you will know when the Hyper-Achiever in you is taking over. Building awareness of its characteristics, thoughts and justification lies will give you the ammunition you need to stop it in its tracks.

Characteristics of the Hyper-Achiever Saboteur: What to Watch Out For

• Competitive, as well as image and status conscious
• Goal-oriented, with a workaholic streak
• Good at covering up insecurities and often falsely showing a positive image
• Like a shape shifter, it adapts its personality to fit what would be most impressive to another
• More into perfecting public image than introspection
• Can be self-promoting
• Can keep people at safe distance

Ouch! It can be painful to look at this list and realize you are partially (if not fully) looking at yourself in the mirror. But the good news is you are reading about this now, so you build that awareness and catch it before it does more damage to you and those around you.

Thoughts of the Hyper-Achiever: What to Listen For in Your Head

• “I must be best at what I do.”
• “If I can’t be outstanding, I won’t bother.”
• “Anything I do must be efficient and effective.”
• “Emotions just get in the way of getting the job done. Instead, focus on thinking and taking action.”
• “I can be anything I want to be.”
• “I am worthy as long as I am successful and others think well of me.”

Justification Lies of the Hyper-Achiever saboteur: What Out for These!

• “Life is about achieving and producing results. Anything else is not worthwhile.”
• “Portraying a good image helps me achieve results.”
• “Feelings are just a distraction and don’t help anything.”

As you read over the above thoughts and justification lies of this saboteur, did you think of anyone you’ve ever worked with or worked for? Maybe you cringed as you thought “oh, wow, that is me.” Here’s the reality of this: all of us have saboteurs. Whether or not the Hyper-Achiever is one of your strongest saboteurs is another question. Once you identify the nastiest of the saboteurs that betray you in the hidden world of your mind, then you can take the steps to weaken its influence on you and reclaim the positive strength side without the sabotage. To confirm just how strong your own Hyper-Achiever is, take the free assessment and meet with me to diagnose its impact on you.

Why is it important to weaken the negative effects of the Hyper-Achiever?

Look at the impact it has on you and others:

• Any peace and happiness you may experience from burning the midnight oil is fleeting and short-lived in brief celebrations of achievement.
• Self-acceptance is continuously conditioned on the next success, so you are never satisfied.
• You lose touch with deeper feelings, are disconnected from your deeper self, and struggle to connect deeply with others.
• Others on your team (and even members of your household) might be pulled into the performance vortex of the Hyper-Achiever and become similarly lopsided in their focus on external achievement.

When you have shifted out of saboteur mode and are operating from what is called the Sage brain, you are amazing! The energy and excitement you feel for reaching a goal becomes infectious, inviting others in to voluntarily partner with you to reach for greater achievements – rather than bulldozing them as you barrel through them on your way to the prize. When you are in Sage mode, you perform at your highest level, focusing more on quality than on false deadlines. You interact positively and productively with key people at work and at home, building and strengthening relationships that will support you for the long-run. You no longer fear trying something new, and experience great joy from innovating and experimenting, as you’re open to failing and learning over and over along the way. In addition, when the negative influence of the Hyper-Achiever is diminished, you even experience better quality health – physically, emotionally, and mentally – because you’re not feeling the same levels of stress and anxiety.

My own Hyper-Achiever has pushed me to limits that exceeded what my body could withstand: it put me in the hospital in high school, it gave me minor anxiety attacks in my consulting days, it causes me to get stress-induced illnesses year after year, all until I woke up to the damage it was doing. It has also prevented me from going deeper and developing more meaningful relationships. The lie my Hyper-Achiever told me was that I could not share all of who I was or reveal my weaknesses because then others would not want to me to keep working with them. So many lies!

I’m grateful my Hyper-Achiever is so much weaker now, and I want this for you too. Work is so much more meaningful when there can be creativity and play, experimentation and failure. Relationships are so much more rewarding when you both can share your best qualities and your faults – it makes you more relatable and human. And life is so much more enjoyable when you’re not stressed out all the time, worrying about how you can out-perform everyone and always be the best.

Don’t you want to know how strong the Hyper-Achiever saboteur is in you? Yes, you do! Wouldn’t it be life-changing to learn how you can take practical, tactical steps to weaken its influence on you? Yes, it is! So, why wait? I invite you to meet with me for a Saboteur Diagnosis session.

*Source: Shirzad Chamine and his Positive Intelligence mental fitness model. Erin completed her certification with Shirzad and Positive Intelligence, Inc. in the spring of 2021 and is now a Certified Positive Intelligence mental fitness coach (CPQC).

Faults of the President – do you have them too?

by Erin Owen | Jan 26, 2021 | Ezine

Here in the United States, the 46^th President has just been sworn into office. Alongside him, a new Vice President – and this time the first-ever woman, first-ever person of color to hold that national office. As I have witnessed – and been a part of —heated debates the past four years about the performance of the 45^th President, I have been looking at these historic events through the lens of the Positive Intelligence mental fitness model.

To be a leader in the Office of the President – to be a leader in any role where you have decision-making power over human resources, monetary resources, and the position to lift up or destroy the livelihoods and dreams of others – is a profound responsibility. It is critical that you know you are human – not a robot – and that means you have imperfections, just like anyone, that can influence your decisions.

A very common mental saboteur for leaders – including for someone in the Office of the President – is the Controller. To learn more about how you can evaluate the performance of any leader (including yourself AND the leader of a country) through this lens, I invite you to read on.

As I’ve learned from my teacher Shirzad Chamine, a saboteur is the price we pay for the overuse and abuse of our greatest strengths. And for many leaders in positions of authority, those strengths are as follows:

• Confidence.
• Being action-oriented, decisive, willful and persistent.
• Challenging oneself and challenging others.
• Being able to do the right thing, even when the course of action is unpopular.
• Seeing possibilities that others may not see.
• Activating oneself and others to take action in support of a desired outcome.

As you read the list above, bring to mind a leader you admire: in what ways do they exhibit these strengths?

Next, bring to mind a leader you do not admire: even if you do not agree with or like them, can you still recall situations in which they have exhibited one or more of these strengths?

Now, look at yourself: which of these strengths do you possess and in what types of situations do you utilize these strengths?

When used strategically, selectively, and from a place of wisdom, your strengths are powerful, positive and can have incredible impact. You can think of this list of strengths as the light side of you –that convert you into a power for good.

However – and this is where I come back to the importance of knowing that you as a leader also have imperfections – it’s important to understand that there is a dark side of your strengths – the saboteur side. When you use your strengths too often, in the wrong situations, with the wrong people, at the wrong time, those strengths come back to harm you and those around you.

The harmful side of any saboteur motivates you through negative emotions and most often accompany periods of stress and anxiety. In this case, the Controller saboteur has an “anxiety-based need to take charge and control situations and people’s actions to one’s own will.”* And when that is not possible, the Controller exhibits an extremely high level of anxiety, and can even be angry and intimidating when others don’t go along. The Controller gets impatient with others’ feelings and different styles, and often feels hurt and rejected (though will rarely admit it).

How can you catch the negative side of the Controller when it takes hold of you? How can you spot the same in a leader you know personally or in the public eye? Read each of these descriptions below and ask yourself: when have I seen this characteristic at play? And then ask: what might be the underlying lie that is at the heart of the sabotage? And, how might this saboteur behavior negatively impact you and others around you?

Characteristics of the Controller Saboteur: What to Watch Out For

• Has very strong energy and an equally strong need to control and take charge of situations.
• Connects with others through competition, challenge, physicality, or conflict rather than softer emotions.
• Its nature is willful and confrontational
• Its most common style of communication is a straight talker; and its in-your-face communication is often interpreted by others as anger or criticism.
• Likes to push people beyond their comfort zone.
• Comes alive when doing the impossible and beating the odds.
• Often stimulated by conflict, and even connects with others through conflict.
• Surprised when others’ feelings get hurt.
• Intimidates others, both intentionally and unintentionally.

If you see aspects of your own behavior in these characteristics, I welcome you to the club. Every single human being has saboteurs – your parents, your siblings, your friends, your colleagues, your neighbors, your employees, your vendors – everyone. Even the President of the United States. E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E. And, as mentioned above, the Controller saboteur is very common among leaders in formal positions of authority.

As the weeks and months of the new year unfold, keep a watchful eye on yourself, the President, and other leaders you know: when do you see the positive strength side of the Controller in play? And when do you see signs of the negative characteristics wreaking havoc on relationships, performance, and health?

If you’d like to determine how strong the Controller saboteur is in you, I invite you to meet with me for a Saboteur Diagnosis session. LEARN MORE HERE

*Source: Shirzad Chamine and his Positive Intelligence mental fitness model. Erin completed her certification with Shirzad and Positive Intelligence, Inc. in the spring of 2021 and is now a Certified Positive Intelligence mental fitness coach (CPQC).