Check your assumptions. That is this month’s tip. When you do not ask questions with curiosity, when you do not seek to learn more, when you assume you know what the other person will say or do, that leads to misunderstandings, errors, and underperformance.
In January and February, the coaching tips focused on listening. One of the key barriers to taking a coach-approach to people management, collaboration, and internal coaching is making assumptions. Thus, the tip this month is to Check Your Assumptions.
What are assumptions?
When you believe you already know what another person thinks or may do in a situation, without first asking them, that is an assumption. Assumptions are usually based on one’s past experience. But, most often those past experiences are one’s own and not the other person’s experiences. Furthermore, things change. So even if you have recently asked the person their point of view or what they would prefer, that does not necessarily mean that status quo is still in play.
Our assumptions are influenced by our own experience of the world and our personal preferences. Each person has their own experience and preferences. While there may be some “norms” within common groups of people, such as people from a particular region of a country talk with a different pace, that may not be the case for everyone from that particular region.
In a work setting, making assumptions about another person’s preferred mode of communication, approach to a project, or opinion on a market opportunity, can lead to unintended negative consequences. While it would be unproductive to ask each person the same question each day, the opposite it usually the case: we never pause to ask someone their preference.
What are the risks of assumptions?
Misunderstandings and interpersonal conflict
Errors and underperformance
Unintentionally taking away power from another person by assuming you know their point of view and not giving them the opportunity to express their opinions
All of the above and more lead to disengaged team members, negative team culture, lower revenues, and more.
This tip is not only relevant during a month when we are inviting action in support of greater gender equity in the workplace. It is always smart to Check Your Assumptions.
How to Check Your Assumptions in 3 Simple Steps:
Catch yourself assuming what another person would say or do in a particular situation.
Ask that person an open question to invite their input.
Then check your assumption: did you have it right all along, or did you learn something new?
The important nuance to Step 2 is to ask an OPEN question. Not a yes/no question. And not a leading question. Ask an open question.
EXAMPLE
Let’s say you think you know your colleague’s preference on who presents specific content at an upcoming client presentation. Catch yourself assuming you know. Set the context, then ask an open question.
Context:
“Mariah, do you have a minute? I’d like to ask about your preferences for who presents at the upcoming client presentation.”
Follow the context setting with an open question.
“What are your preferences for ‘who’ presents ‘what’ for the upcoming presentation?”
Note how this open question is different from the following question:
“Do you want me to present the intro and Alex to present the closing?”
A question that begins “do you” is a yes/no question.
The “do you” question above is also a leading question because it suggests a possible answer in the wording of the question: in this case two answers are included. (1) “me” presents the “intro” and (2) “Alex” presents the “closing”.
The above example may seem to be rather benign compared to situations with riskier consequences, but it does ensure that Mariah is given the opportunity to share her opinion and have a voice is the decision that is made about who presents.
Try it! Check your assumptions this week before sending messages, making decisions, or communicating on behalf of a team member with others. As a result, you may be surprised what you learn and how asking open questions can be a stealth tool for ensuring greater equity while supporting greater engagement in the workplace.
Building on last month’s tips about listening, this month I share some examples of how to listen and speak with your heart below.
Direct report: I‘m just really struggling right now to focus. There is so much to do and I just feel overwhelmed.
Manager: [In the manager’s mind: Well, our customers don’t care you can’t focus – they just want their product delivered on time. And you have no idea what it is to be overwhelmed, with the head of fulfillment breathing down my neck and then me always being late to pick up my kids…]
What the head-centered manager says: Well, just talk with your team and figure it out. The customers need their deliveries on time and I have my hands full over here with…
What the heart-centered manager says: I hear you. I feel the same. Shall we take some time to talk through the primary challenges and figure out a new way forward, together?
The key differences?
The head-centered approach pushes the problem back on the employee and ends the conversation quickly so the manager can move on to the next problem. But, this makes the employee feel unsupported, not heard, disengaged, and increases the likelihood they will eventually look for a different manager and different job. If the employee moves on, the manager then needs to fill the role, manage that gap through the onboarding and learning curve of a new employee, all the while not solving the real problem.
The heart-centered approach focuses on affirming the validity of the employee’s feelings and working together to solve the problem. Yes, it does take more time in the short term. But, the benefits are numerous: the employee feels supported and heard. The manager models a way of behaving that the employee can use with their own direct reports. The heart-centered approach can increase engagement and retention, or at the least not make things worse. More positive exchanges like this can strengthen the relationship. Furthermore, by bringing together two minds to explore a way forward, there will likely be more creativity and resources put toward resolving the root of the problem and preventing future issues.
What questions might the manager ask when taking a heart-centered approach?
What is primarily getting in the way of being able to focus?
What are the factors contributing to you feeling overwhelmed?
What small shift or change might you try to reduce those distractions?
Is there anything you can de-prioritize at this time to reduce the overwhelm?
Would you be open to delegating a thing or two? Is there anyone on your team who would like to learn how to do some of the things that are overwhelming you?
How else can I support you?
These are all open questions, designed for the manager to learn more and listen more. Most of these questions empower the employee to come up with their own ideas and solutions, and some like questions 4 and 5 are a bit more directive: planting the seed for re-prioritizing or delegating and leveraging direct reports. Asking these questions requires the manager to let go of assumptions and an “I know best” approach, and overall build greater awareness and surfaces more potential solutions.
Implied in this scenario is that the manager has deep enough self-awareness to catch their own thoughts (an aspect of Level 1 listening) and shift attention outward to listening to the other person (Level 2 listening). To learn more about the levels of listening, read last month’s post here.
How can leadership and executive coaching help managers in these situations?
Build greater self-awareness of your own stress level and how challenges in the work environment trigger your own mental saboteurs
Learn more tools to center more quickly so you can respond most calmly and creatively
Practice new ways of communicating with different types of stakeholders
Expand existing leadership competencies and build new ones to strengthen current performance and increase future career opportunities
Schedule Sample Coaching Call with Erin
To schedule a sample coaching and fit call with Erin and learn more about how coaching can support you in taking a heart-centered approach to leadership, click here. Leaders in Asia, Europe, Africa and Middle East click here.
Listen to what others have to say at the 3rd level. What is the 3rd level? Also called “global listening”, this involves tuning into everything about the other person, yourself, and everything in your environment all at the same time. This includes noticing your own bodily sensations, sensing the other person’s energy, being aware of all your emotions and intuiting the other’s emotions, utilizing all your senses to notice what’s happening around you, and much more. At Level 3 you notice as much about what is present as what is not present, what is said and what is not said. At my mastery level of coaching, this is the type of listening I practice with my coaching clients.
If Level 3 listening seems like too much of a stretch for you, and it’s not clear how you would begin to practice it, I invite you to practice more mindful Level 1 listening, or perhaps try out Level 2 listening, both described below.
Level 1 listening is one way and focused solely on you. You’re aware of your own feelings, thoughts, judgments, and circumstances. At Level 1, you are not thinking about the other person. More mindful Level 1 listening invites full awareness of your own experience so that you are not speaking on auto pilot and not subconsciously controlled by your mental saboteurs. Less mindful Level 1 listening is often evident when you notice you are primarily waiting for the other person to finish talking so you can tell them what you have to say.
Level 2 listening is more focused and observant of the other person. You notice their body language, their breathing, the tone and nuance in their words. At Level 2, you may not be aware of your own internal dynamics, but you are definitely more tuned in to the other. Level 2 can be practiced with one person or a group of people as in a meeting. At this level, you are not aware of what’s happening in the literal or figurative world around you. Mindful Level 2 listening generates greater empathy, as you have the presence of mind to not make assumptions; you ask clarification questions and seek to better understand the other. In addition, with your focus on the other, you wait for an appropriate moment to speak, if you choose to speak at all.
Enjoy experimenting with this month’s coaching tip, and be in touch if I can answer any questions you have about your learning experience, or if you’d like to invite me to teach coaching skills at your organization!
It’s that time of year again – the time to turn your calendars, and shift your focus toward a new beginning, a fresh start and a new chapter in your life. The beginning of a new year is a rebirth of sorts, and an opportunity for a mental reset. It is full of potential and endless possibilities. For leaders, it is not just a fresh start for you, but also for your team and your organization. This is the perfect opportunity to harness the energy of the new year, and take advantage of its momentum. Think about how you can lead by example, and what you can do to engage, influence and motivate your teams amidst these continually complex business times. How can you combat the Great Resignation in 2023? It starts with YOU as the leader of your team!
December and the holidays are upon us, and that means a new year is right around the corner. What does that mean for us as leaders? How do we prepare for 2023? The past several years has seen one continuous disruption and challenge after another. Adjusting, adapting and redirecting became critical behaviors during these chaotic and uncertain times. The complexities, demands and expectations of organizations increased dramatically as a result of all this turbulence. How do we thrive and remain resilient in uncertainty? It’s time to begin writing a new narrative, and embrace a new form of leadership in the new year. Consider how to further cultivate resiliency for you, your employees and your organization. I like to think of it as the dawn of a new leadership era. As we move into 2023, what can you do to empower and strengthen your organization? To help you answer some of these burning questions, in my December LinkedIn article I explore the top three challenges facing leaders today, who is this new leader, and leadership trends for 2023.
